We wear the masks! I wonder if we [humans] are all walking around eternally sad?  If that is the case, when does the pain of it all end?  I don’t have the answers to my own sadness and know I am the least qualified to help others. What I do know is, if I stay in the sadness, I am missing moments in life; experiences that will never happen again. That in itself is the greatest sadness.

I didn’t intend to sit here and write about being sad, but what I want to do is see and feel my way through it.  I recently sat with a friend and watched her stare into the distance.  I’ve seen that look before, as my mother would often stare into space. In The Mother’s case, it was as if she were solving the most complicated problems in the world.  When I asked my friend what she was thinking about, she told me she needed to live somewhere warm, and she followed with, “…and I don’t need much.”  I guess that is the true question-how much do we need in this life?  Does the average person require above average accessories?  Is that the true source of unhappiness, our wants and desires?

I don’t have the answers, but I plan to examine the humor in my life that has kept me afloat.  Like the two friends after a night of indulgences, falling headfirst into the bushes.  I cry not because I am sad, but I am sorry for myself and those missed opportunities.  I truly understand that I am not, nor would I choose to be, in control of another’s actions.  While at the same time, the actions of another can have a profound effect on my life (our lives) and I have absolutely no control.  The answer I believe is in what do I have the ability to influence, and the is my own reaction to their bullshit.  I have no other way of describing the things that hurt us, but as BS.

What is in the distance that so many of us are staring at, and find so alluring?  Experience has taught me that the future will becomes my past, rinse and repeat, unless I stop the cycle.  I am the creator of my destiny…the master of my soul. Or am I?  This is the bottom line of the question that I need an answer to.  Am I ultimately in control?  It is noted that I have more questions than answers, and most of the queries will remain unexplained.  This way of thinking brings me back to where I started, in a deep state of sadness.  Staring off into space, attempting to solve this puzzle called life.

I hope that my sadness and disappointments don’t send me down a spiral, spinning out of control-a point of no return.  If I don’t go too far down, I take solace in knowing that I will always come back.